Sunday, August 11, 2013


ENTOURAGE: a group of people surrounding an important person or the bride and groom. Your entourage normally includes your closest friends...your support network( whether the wedding happened or not).

I met up with my friends. I could tell they were all getting bored with me. I whined about the usual things like how I had known bryan since college days and we had been friends first before we dated and how I've known Geena since I was little and never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that she would betray me like she did.

Dannie Jones my gay best friend became the most impatient. He had listened to me enough. I guess.

John, my guy best friend was the angriest for what Bryan did to me.

Nicole was the most sympathetic for my feelings.

"I wonder how he is now" I asked.

"Oh for crying out loud" Dannie muttered

"Ash, please! don't do this, you are beautiful, you are smart! You have your whole life ahead of you!"

"No!, I don't, I will be thirty in a few months!"

"You will be thirty in twenty three months!" John muttered. "That's plenty of time to score a guy a lot better than bryan".

"But we've been together for two years! Do you know how much work that took?!"

"A lot!, since you have been witholding sex!" Dannie said brutally.

"But what is wrong sex before marriage?"

"Nothing!" Only that you open him up to readily available sluts within a mile proximity" john said.

"Look Ash, if he couldn't wait, then he isn't the guy" Nicole said. " And if he really did love you, he wouldn't have the nerve to sleep with Geena. If he had an inch of decency in his body, he would have remembered that Geena is your cousin!"

"Relationships are not important to a horny guy" John butted in.

"Apparently". I rolled my eyes.

"So now, what are you going to do with your life?"

I shrugged "drink it away?" I said sarcatiscally and took another gulp of my beer.

"Look at you, Ash! How can a gorgeous girl who is sweet and smart waste her life on a loser like bryan? I mean, no offence but he's not nearly that hot!" Dannie said in a frustrated voice.

"And he's short. What is he? Like five feet tall?" John chuckled.

"Hey!, he's five feet six!" I said defensively. " And his chocolate eyes are dreamy".

"His eyes are brown! As plain as brown could be" ! Dannie argued.

" I just...couldn't think of a reason why he would do this to me!" I heaved another frustrated sigh.

John rolled his eyes "I can but you are not going to like it..."

"Sex?" I asked him "he only needed to wait three more months...after we are married" .

"Well., apparently, he can't wait nine months. Haven't they been sleeping with each other for good six months before you found them?" Dannie asked.

"For all you know Ash, he could have proposed to you just to get you into bed". John stated.

"Not with the size of the ring he gave me" I said. Bryan gave me a two carat diamond ring. It costs a fortune. He wouldn't sprudge on that if he was only after the sex. Will he?

"Speaking of the ring, where is it?" Dannie asked.

"In my jewelry box" I replied

" should have returned that weeks ago" john said.

"Hell no" Dannie argued. " Don't return it, pawn it!"

"No I'm not going to pawn that ring!"

"And why not?, you want to hold on to it and reminisce on the good times you spent together whenever you look at it?" Nicole asked in an irritated tone.

"We did have some good times"

"This is not the time to be thinking about the good times. That's a no brainer. Right now, for you to get over him, you have to think about every single annoying thing about him and every single irritating thing that he has ever done to you!" Nicole said.

"True. Right now you have to think of him as a monster. He has no heart! He has no conscience. Nicole said. This thing that you are in,he brought it upon you! Everything that he was before you broke up with him, was nothing. That's not the person he is now".

"You need a makeover. Find a hobby! Get a gym membership! Learn to play the guitar."

"Or you can always find a job." John suggested.

"I hope you have been saving money".

I sighed. "Of course...but unfortunately,I used some of it to pay the florist."

"I hope you had the guts to refund them". Nicole said.

I shook my head "I gave all the receipts to bryan when we broke up. I wanted to him to refund all the payments so that he'll know how painful it was for me to make those arrangements when he was humping my maid of honor".

"So let me get this thing straight". John said. "If he was able to refund the money you paid the florist, it means he cheated on you...and you paid him to do it?".

"Shut up john" . I told him, although I understood the irony he was aiming at.

"That settles it then! You have to pawn the ring". Dannie said. " With the size of that thing, you can pay for your own wedding".

I snorted. "That is if I still want to get married. I think I completely lost faith in love. If I see or come to another wedding in my life, I think I will hang myself! I don't believe in weddings anymore."

"Really?, then why do you still believe in engagement rings?". John asked.

"Why don't you want to pawn it for its worth? If you don't want to use the money for your future wedding, then use it as a down payment for your apartment" dannie suggested. " That could be at least ten grand. You are going to go a long way with that and trust me hon, you deserve it."

"I wish you would display the same angst about bryan and happily-ever-afters!" Nicole said. "If only you would be as optimistic as getting over bryan as you are about the doom of the weddings of the couples we were handling".

I know it was downright pathetic. During the first week, I was so mad at bryan, he was a liar! He was my bestfriend, how could he treat me like that.?

Then I was so mad at Geena, because in my opinion, she should have stopped things from happening. Bryan is merely a man. A man who had been harboring his sex drive since we started dating. His testosterone level was probably shooting rocket high when Geena showed a bit of flesh.

On the second week, I was mad at myself, I thought I was a self - righteous virgin who believed that a relationship these days could go a long way without intimacy.

On the third week, I was just mad at love itself... For leading me on, for making me believe that there was a happily-ever-after in store for me. For making me believe that the dream wedding I had in my head since I was ten years old would become a reality.

And now,I just don't know who or what I was mad at anymore. A part of me hurts so much sometimes that I think it would be damn easier if I just ran back to Bryan's arms and forgave him. But a bigger part of him can't trust him. Not anymore. A part of me says I have made it three weeks without him,with this pain. I can make it a few more, and then healing will come for sure.

When I got home that night, Adam was on his way to the deck with a beer in his hand.

"Half-pint" he greeted me.

"I'm not a kid anymore, Adam".

"Ha! See?, I learn something new everyday". He said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and started heading towards my room.

"Hey! Wait up" he said

I turned back to him.

"Join me". He said motioning towards his deck.

I raised a brow "no thanks, I better go to bed".

"And do what?" He asked with a raised brow. "Sleep? Mope? Dream that the bastard is going to magically develop a conscience for you?" He shook his head "come on, Ash. I've known you all your life. You are smarter than that. Maybe you just need a little push. Come drink with me at the deck, it's time you and I had a little heart-to-heart".

I sighed then followed him to the deck. The moonlight was beautiful. The sea breeze blew on my face. I sat on the chair beside adam's. He handed me a beer.

I took a gulp and waited for him to say something.

"It's been three weeks, Ash". He started "and you are looking worse". He sighed. I didn't reply "don't tell me that I don't know anything about pain. About love and heartache. Trust me, I've had my fair share. Maybe that's why I am what I am now. I've been hurt too much before".

For the first time, I saw Adam in a different light. The cold, ruthless facade...the brutal truth he always speaks, regardless of who will get hurt... Now I understood. He experienced pain. He had been lied to in the past. He had been betrayed before...that's why he resorted to the man he is now. A man who believed that brutal truth no matter how much it hurts is still a lot better than the sweetest of lies. And thus, he always says what is on his mind. He speaks the truth as he sees it is. He doesn't lead people on.

"What?" He asked when he realized I had been staring at him intensely.

I snorted and took a gulp of my beer "well, I guess this is the probably the first time I've seen evidence that you have a heart".